The Old Flame is Hard to Burn Out (Even with a Sexy Fireman Present)

It really doesn’t matter who dumped who, but the truth is, it’s not easy forgetting an ex.

Especially when there’s Facebook to stalk them with. Or if you suddenly meet them again (usually by accident) after all this time. The feelings come up again. You miss them. You miss time spent with them. You miss the things you went through together, the good times, the shit times. The thing is, once you know someone in your life, there is no chance in hell that you can un-know them. And so no matter how much you tell yourself, other people, your therapist and your ego that you don’t give a rat’s ass about them, the sad truth is, you still do. Even just a little bit. Even if it’s just such a tiny bit. The way to discover how tiny this is will be to wait until something huge has happened to them – marriage, death, achievement. When that news feed on Facebook comes out and you find yourself looking at their notification twice, that’s when you know that in fact, you still do care a little bit.

Since there is no such thing as ‘un-know’, people usually resume to ‘hate’. I find this hard to do because, well, I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to convert love into hate. And a relationship that doesn’t work out takes two to tango, so you can’t hate the other if it’s partly your fault also. And so since I refuse to hate, I am left with the curse of remembering things. When I see an ex, I would immediately remember. This is the part when I will then get myself confused. Am I missing, or am I regretting? Missing something does not mean you want it back. You just feel sad that it’s gone. You know, like missing childhood. You miss the moments but will probably never go back. But regretting means if you have a chance, you would do it differently.

So when I see an ex, especially ones that I left on good terms with, I am clouded by the misery of whether I am missing or regretting. Suddenly I forget why it didn’t work out in the first place. Suddenly I remember all the things done and all the great stuff that happened that will never be the same with other people (because honey, no two persons are the same). He feels familiar, and familiar is always great, isn’t it?

A great anecdote to remind ourselves when seeing an ex is that it was never a waste of time. Every single moment in your life is a learning curve, and this includes your failed relationships. Understanding that it was not a waste, that it was meant to be, that it was there to teach you a lesson allows one to let go. The bad news is it ain’t easy, and some of us will never forget, ever. But hey, like the wise man said; everybody you meet in this world, you meet for a reason. Find that reason and you shall be free. Well, at least free of Facebook-stalking, that is.