I am pretty fearless. Yeah I'm pretty confident about that.
Except I have a huge fear of people leaving.
I worry that one day my parents will go. I can't imagine a life where my parents do not exist.
It makes me sad to think that one day my sister will be married and be off with her new family.
One day my brothers will be off with their own lives too, and I'll only see them a couple of times a year.
Someday all your friends will slip away.
One day a man you love might leave you. Death. Affairs. Breakups. It seems inevitable.
One day your children will grow up and they'll leave too.
People always leave.
I believe in God and the life after and that we're all spiritual beings having a human journey. But some days, the fear still consumes me.When I was about ten I had this phase where I worried that one day my Mom will die and I will be alone in this world. That phase passed. But now I find myself sitting at the dinner table looking at everyone and thinking that I don't want anyone to ever leave. Ever. I wished my brothers never grew up. I wished I never dated too much so that I never said that many goodbyes. I watched Peter Pan and immediately related to the theme - the everlasting childhood where everything is perfect and nobody grows up and dies.
Sure it makes me treasure moments more. It makes me appreciate every second talking to friends, every progress my brothers make as they get older, every joke my Dad makes. But somewhere inside I can't help but feel like it's also a tragedy. There's no way around it. Everyone leaves eventually.
I guess it makes even more sense now that this life is temporary, and there has to be a better one after. If you don't have a strong faith in God this tragic life will eat you alive, and you'll be floating aimlessly wondering what's the whole point?