APRIL IS NO FOOL

What a month. Really. What a month. Someday when I am old and toothless, I would think of my career and this month would probably be one that flashes (after I try to recall my own name). Like I’ve said before, it’s funny how you think a job is just a job, until you find out it isn’t. Earlier in April saw a huge shift in the company I’m working in, with a large slash of employees due to the current state of oil economics. The dreaded letters came in from HR and the effects were almost instant – some people cried, some people were speechless, some people packed immediately and left, some people were silently relieved, and some even accepted their fate with a lot less poise.

It was also a humbling experience watching people walk away from their jobs. Some took it worse than others, and I was in a strange position of feeling grateful I could stay, but feeling sorry to those who did not get to. It was a slap to the face to realize that a job is just like a lot of everything else in this life – completely and utterly fluid.

A job, just like a lot of everything else in this life, is in fact fluid and could change in an instant. One day you’re sitting comfortably at your work desk, and the next day you’re no longer required to punch the card. One day you’re on top of a hill and everything in life is going great, and the next day you’re in the ditches, wondering how everything went south so fast. One day you have parents, and the next day you don’t anymore. One day you’re inspired, and the next day it feels bleak and demotivating. One day a man is a prominent character to you, and the next day he becomes a stranger. The list is endless.

The larger parts of causes for despair often root from failure to accept this very nature of the things we experience in life. A good friend of mine lost her father by surprise, much too soon than anybody would’ve expected. They had a close bond, and I braced myself to witness the after-effects it would have on her after he passed. At around the same time she was also studying for exams, and was broken up with a boy. In my head I could clearly imagine my own self handling this situation, which would probably heavily involve a long period of cat-murdering, pot-smoking, life-resenting depression. Okay I hope I wouldn’t do that, but you get the picture. But of course she didn’t do these things. She was sad for a considerable amount of time, but never taking it too far. I suppose my point here is that we all experience the same emotions – sad, happy, elated, in love, disappointment, loss. But often what makes a huge difference on the impact it has on our lives is how much we’ve accepted the fact everything goes away eventually. It is never about clutching onto them eternally for dear life. It is always about enjoying them while they last.
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This is a popular concept, well-understood and agreed by the most of us, but so darn hard to actually apply in real life. A part of your brain knows this is true, but the other part of it just couldn’t help being drawn and sucked into this swirling mix of over-attachments and leeching onto things that are just as flawed as we are ourselves. As a person who relies on work as one of the very few aspects of my life that are actually stable, this whole episode reminded me how nothing in life stays as deep black holes nor rainbows forever. And expecting them to remain that way means you have missed the entire point.