Bridesmaid survival : a guide

If you’re a normal person with normal friends, chances are you’ll end up being a bridesmaid at least once in your life. Or thirteen times. It depends.

After being a bridesmaid for thirteen different occasions, I have now compiled for you an extensive yet compact list of tips that will get you through your duties in a fashionable manner, and hopefully come out of it alive with all your teeth still intact.

1.      Bring your selection of arsenals. Here are the top items you’ll most likely find useful.
         a.      Aspirin – cos someone will have a headache. Hopefully it’s not you.
         b.      Tissues – for tears, snot, sweat, makeup retouches, vomit, poop (yes), babies, dirt, to cover face                       from sun, to cover face from exes, and the list goes on.
         c.      Water – considering it’s a wedding where food is abundant, you’ll be surprised how so many                             weddings undersupply good old H2O, even if it’s a garden-themed (read: desert) reception.
         d.      Breath mints – Because you know why. That many people with bad breath is a nightmare.
         e.      Comfortable footwear – after the wedding is over and the photographers have gone home, you                         won’t survive another minute in those five inches.

2.      Patience is a virtue. Remember your friend/family/relative who used to be such a darling? Yes. Remember her fondly as you stare in horror at the bridezilla she has become. If you’re lucky, the bride will still be cool and collected, just as you knew her before. Otherwise, call the Wizard of Oz because the Green Witch has emerged and will set fire on everything in her path.

3.      Gracefully swerve as the question of ‘When Are You Next?’ approaches you. It’s inevitable. Unavoidable. Since weddings are when odd mismatched people are brought together, out of awkwardness in conversations or just pure unadulterated interest, someone is bound to ask you when you’re getting married next. Or worse, someone will ask you ‘Why Are You Still Single?’ Which is such a bizarre question to ask people, frankly. How the hell are you supposed to answer that?

4.      Eat first before the event starts. You’re a bridesmaid. Therefore, you’re expected to have no feelings towards being yelled at by a bride, and no urge to eat. There will be so much to do and so much chaos that by the time you’re hungry you couldn’t eat because there is no time, and by the time you’re starving, there will only be leftovers.

5.      If you look decent enough, someone will probability hit on you. As much as it is a movie cliché, people do think of weddings as a potential spot for scouting possible mates. Maybe it’s the hazy fog of romance lingering in the air. Maybe because the wedding is too long and people get bored. Whatever the reason, if you look like you showered and shaved, someone might make a pass at you. Best state your level of interest early on.

6.      Take a moment to savour and enjoy it all. The truth is, even if you may be a person who hates weddings, there is something quite nostalgic and pleasant about watching two people committing to try to have a content life together in front of their family, friends and strangers who got invited because they are the parents’ friends. So take a moment to take it all in. After all, love always makes us feel good, even if we’re just the observers of its magic.