There was this interview Oprah did with Jennifer Aniston, where Oprah said, “It must really affect you when people sympathize and say how unlucky you are in love so many times before.” Jen, taken aback, said “On the contrary, I have been very, very lucky in love. I met all these amazing people and learned so much.” She is currently married to a seemingly-fabulous man for years.
And to be clear, I am not at all implying that Jen and I even belong in the same orbit to compare myself to her (I have zero core strength, and also I like potatoes).
Watching that did, however, make me contemplate on the concept of perspectives.
Unlike when we were in college and everyone seemed to be on a somewhat similar path, as the decade passes by we’ll realize that everyone is all over the place in so many different circumstances – some finding out that realities are so different than expectations, some finding ourselves in a strange place we didn't think we'd be in with someone we didn't think we'd be with, and some just still floating about, not quite sure what they're looking for just yet.
Different things are happening to different people, because each of us need to learn differently from others.
And I may not have the wisdom from a marital relationship, nor the experience of co-habiting with the same man for years, but I certainly feel that I when it comes romantic love in the general form, my social past resume says I am qualified to give a review. So here goes.
There are good men and then there are bad men. But for the most of us we will never actually encounter these bad men. Instead, we’ll meet good men who are not perfect, because like us, they are also learning through life and are flawed. I began my early twenties by thinking of men as objectified robots with an easy manual. Now, I have learned that everyone are only just humans. We all get scared, we all change our minds, and we all screw up because none of us are perfect.
And understanding this will make it so much easier to love, forgive and accept others.
But then again, don’t be naive either. The simple truth is that love rarely have boundaries, whichever way we paint it. I learned this the hard way through experiencing the many excuses I was told – incorrect timing, "you're too good for me" (good God come on. Come up with a better one!), social difference, “I’m just really busy these days”, the guy who’s always too worried what people might think – they all just translates to one thing and one thing only; damn girl, he’s just not that into you. People will never easily give up on and risk things they deem as important, and if you’re not seeing those efforts, well, you know what that means. I could have never learned these important lessons of self-worth any other way.
So, if you find yourself being in the circumstances you could never have imagined before, know this; what is meant for us will always find us no matter how much we deny or run away from it, and what is not meant for us will never want to stay, no matter how hard we hold on to it.
And that is pretty much what I, and perhaps Jennifer Aniston, have learned after decades deciphering it – love, the greatest adventure anyone would ever take.