Here are some of the few things that I consider to be a great mystery of the unknown;
The glimpse of this mystery began after I discovered that I could not explain the science of attraction through well, just easy science. In the book The Body Language written by Allan and Barbara Pease, the writers approached this subject through the laws of physical attraction – that your mind responds to traits in an opposite sex that you find to be good candidates for your possible partner in producing your future successors. In other words, the physicality of love is seen here as purely animalistic, a biological response to the need to populate earth.
But then riddle me this. How many times have you sat across the table with someone else on a date, liking how he/she looks but not feeling a twitch of connection whatsoever? I recently had a similar experience, finding myself at dinner with a nice man who seemed to fit the bill but then didn’t. I liked how he looked, I liked how he sounded and I also liked his resume. And yet after a few attempts the connection was not there for me. The ‘it’ factor, whatever that is, did not seem to manifest itself upon us. And so it begs the question, what constitutes a connection?
Connection is not to be confused with chemistry. Chemistry is highly associated to personality traits, where one can easily establish a sense of closeness to another. For instance, a person with an extroverted nature could appear to have chemistry with almost anyone due to their warm character and outgoing personality. On the contrary, a connection is more focused on this strange feeling of attachment and a sense of being understood by someone else. To further enlighten this idea, research shows that comedians are the loneliest and more depressed group of people. This is because although they could easily have chemistry with others, they also lack a certain sense of connection to these people.
I am further baffled by this as I moved through the motions of life and found connection in the strangest of places. I befriended people who are completely different from me and for some reason we just clicked. I hear stories of friends who were separated by someone else for years and yet the connection was never lost. Similarly, I once met a guy by random chance a day before he left town and had the strangest connection, despite not knowing much about each other and coming from completely different worlds. We ended up in a long distance relationship for God knows what reason.
Connection, it seems, spans beyond the physical boundaries of it as well as compatibility in character. You’re not connected to someone just because he/she is a nice person. There are millions of nice people out there. Why this one? And forget trying to correlate connection to similarities or differences. You and I know that some relationships connect because they are similar in many ways, yet there are also ones who thrive because they are the total opposites.
What I have deciphered so far, however, is that the ‘it’ factor should not be taken for granted of. It is a rare occurrence, but one that is blissful because it is a medium that allows you to be the truest form of yourself to somebody else. It is not fully understood, and this is pretty evident because if it is in fact solved, poets and philosophers and writers would finally stop talking about the mystery magic that surrounds it. All we could do is look out for it if we haven’t found it just yet, and if we already did, appreciate the opportunity to be able to enjoy the rather wonderful feeling of being able to connect to somebody.