In the wake of me being single again earlier this year, it was like a beacon of light that shone across the horizon to signal my family and friends that I was again ‘back on the rack’. Ending relationships always found me bruised and battered, slightly traumatized at the prospect of ever trying again, and frankly in a mood that resembles a closed-up clam. My friends, bless them, left me in my own bubble to recuperate and rejuvenate myself. However, there is a whole other group of noble people with good intentions who are just waiting to jump at the chance to match-make me.
This group is called The Aunties.
The Aunties is a group of select few that comprises of middle-aged women with grown children, with a wonderful sincere agenda that is to get you hitched and to get you hitched fast. Perhaps it came with the wonderful wisdom of age and being in marriages that lasted more than all of Madonna’s marriages put together. These Aunties never seem to run out of ‘potential’ candidates for you, and work tirelessly to ensure that you will be sitting in your wedding day with a fat smile on your face, because you can now be sure that you probably won’t end up being a 40 year-old singleton with 16 cats.
Unfortunately, the hard part is always when the person that you are set up with is not quite up your alley. I find that disappointing these Aunties with news that it is never going to work out with your ‘potential’ mate is a much, much harder task then disappointing the men themselves. Don’t get me wrong, letting a man down if you don’t feel the same way is also hard in itself, but you know he will move on eventually and find happiness with someone he is meant to be with. However, to actually tell the Aunties that you disagree with their choice of men for you is a much more daunting task. Especially if there is much hope from them that their hard-work and efforts will pay off.
I recently had an experience of being set up by some lovely Aunties with a nice boy. After a long thought I finally decided to just meet the boy to satisfy everyone’s demands to ‘just give it a chance’. I figured that if nothing else, I could at least make a new friend. But note to self and others – do not commit to such things if you are the only one with these kinds of expectations whereas the Aunties are already visualising you stepping down the wedding aisle. Half way through the date I had concluded two things. One, I was nowhere near a mind state where I wanted to be in a relationship again. Two, although he was a nice, decent human being, I felt no connection at all.
Now usually, a first date would be a make or break situation, and if it doesn’t seem promising, well then tough luck and you’ll move on without hurting many people, if not at all. But here I found myself stuck in this dimension where I was going to let down two parties; the boy and the Aunties. Letting down Aunties felt like letting your mother down, in a way. The disappointment they felt killed me. It was like promising your parents you won’t fail in college but you did. Twice.
So the lesson here is folks, when agreeing to such arrangements, know what you are getting yourself into and what you are prepared for. Otherwise, be warned that you might be struck by lightning for disappointing mothers (though not you own).