I found this in a fortune cookie at an engagement party i recently went to. Gasp! It knows my future!
Everytime I am faced with a problem and start having the ‘why me??’ thoughts, I will always be reminded of what Christina Yang said once in an episode of Grey’s Anatomy.
“Everyone has problems. Deal with it.”
That is, in fact, true. And I will feel slightly better for at least two minutes. It’s better than nothing anyway. I have always been a pretty optimistic person. I don’t believe in wallowing for too long. Time still ticks, and you’re only wasting your own time if you drown yourself in your sorrows. Live still moves on, and (based on my previous entry) it’s all temporary in this lifetime anyway. In case you hadn’t noticed, we’ll all die sooner or later, so you see what I mean by temporary? I also like the positive sayings like ‘every cloud has a silver lining’, ‘everything happens for a greater reason’, you know, all that stuff.
The problem is, those sayings only sound pretty when you hear it during your stress-free time. When you’re actually in a predicament, and you’re very upset, all you want to do is round-kick anyone who says those sayings to you.
I am currently going through a rough patch, which is pretty normal for the rest of us, because we’ve all got our own ups and downs. Work, which is one of the things I rely heavily on to make my life more meaningful, is screwing me. My social life isn’t really prospering well either. I am pretty sure that one day I will look back at this and laugh, but for now, I am not exactly feeling jolly or upbeat about it. Right now I am thinking, ‘Why me? Why does it seem like everything awful is happening to me? And all at once, too.’ I have good friends who will hear me vent all day if I need to, but really what’s the point in that? I am responsible for my own problems. That being said, I am also responsible for my own happiness.
I’ve realized that all of my downsides at the moment – work, life – are only occurring because I depend on other people for my own well-being. I depend on people at work to make me feel like I am doing something worthwhile. I depend on people in my social circle to make me feel like I am living a contempt life. You see, that’s the problem when you rely on people. You end up, for the most part, disappointed. This is because you fantasize that people will rescue you. When really, the truth is, people are just like you. They have limitations and boundaries. If you must rely on something, let it be two things and not more – God, and yourself. God, because let’s face it, without a belief system I would’ve probably jumped off a bridge many years ago. Yourself, because at certain points of your life, you’re the only one you can count on. Of course you’ll have your family, spouses, friends who will probably take a bullet for you (like the ones we see in TV dramas), but the thing to remember is that you are, first, foremost and most importantly, responsible for your own happiness. Everybody else is just joining in the celebration.
Well, this sucks. I thought I’d feel better after writing this entry, but I sort of don’t. Haha.
In about one week I’ll turn twenty-five.
Twenty five. 25.
I don’t think I deserve to be 25 at all. In my mind I am still a big fat baby. When I was in high school I looked at my twenty-something year old relatives and thought that they were such grown adults who seemed to know exactly where their lives are headed and what they wanted to do. I sit in my room right now, in a rented apartment, and I think about that night I sat in bed and wrote resolutions on what I will accomplish as I turned 24. That was a year ago? Wow.
What’s different since a year ago? Well some things remain the same, like my obsession with Coldplay, my thoughts on flat shoes (shouldn’t be worn in broad daylight) and my fondness for movies and my love for my family and friends. I still like Harry Potter books, I still love cooking and I still would like to go to Iceland.
But in a year, so many things have been so different. I travelled more. I backpacked across Vietnam with a bunch of amazing people, and saw so many amazing things. I swam for the first time with turtles and sharks. I finally got involved with charity instead of just talking about it, and I loved the feeling that I am actually making an effort in trying to make a difference in the world. I discovered a new dimension with my family, from which I learned that the true essence of being a family is being able to pull through the bad times together and come out of it with more love for each other. After all, what is life if it is not with a family? Subsequently, this has also taught me a thing or two about men and relationships. It's not just about being consumed with the idea of finding a guy, any guy. It's about Mr Right, not Mr. Right Now (but of course, if they both happen to be the same guy, well then more power to you LOL).
My twenty-fourth year has also showed a phase change – everyone seemed to be getting married and making babies! To tell you the truth, I was a bit taken aback by all these changes, and frankly a little pressured at first (especially at weddings. Why won't these aunties give me a break??), but with time I have learned that everyone has their own timing for everything that happens in their lives. There is no point comparing your life to others because they are never even for a second similar. We don't have the same time graph. Birth, death, wealth, hardships, we all have our own schedules for that. Everybody has a calling in life, and thus nobody should be judging anybody else about how their lives have turned out.
Some things remained the same, and some things have changed, but some other things seem to still be in progress. I am still in the process of figuring out my path. Some days I look around and it seems like everyone knows exactly what they’re doing, and I am still pretty clueless. I am still planning my travels for the next few years – hopefully I’ll get to see the world a little bit more. I am still learning the curves of financial planning. I am still trying to become a better Muslim. I am still very excited about what life has in store for me. I hope I get to live my dreams and take my family along with me for a great many years, and grow old happily, spending my days on my front porch with a view together with my husband, sitting around laughing with my high school girlfriends like we always do, going for weekend trips with my bunch of friends, doing something I absolutely love for a living, having firm feet on the ground on my faith and religious beliefs, joining charities and changing the world.
And of course, I hope I'll eventually have a really nice record player with all Coldplay songs on it.