In an ideal world Gwyneth Paltrow and I are best friends, we would have workout dates together, go for vaginal steaming, share recipes on clean eats and do our nails while listening to her ex-husband’s latest album. I would also get free samples from her toxic-free skincare line and we would have homemade falafel from her recipe book.
But the world is not ideal and that’s just the way it is. However, I did try out her detox plan last year (which you can read about here) and it was a phenomenal success at least from my experience. It is now an official annual thing, so here it is again, folks.
The best part about living in a multi-racial community? You’re somehow right smack in the middle of all sorts of festivities, with access to amazing, seasonal festive foods and holidays. Come December, after going all YOLO for a while, I came out of it a few pounds heavier, with forgotten workouts, spottier-than-usual skin and a constant feeling resembling a potato. It’s time to whip out the old ‘What Would Gwyneth Do’ plan, and here is this round’s 4-day detox plan, with some selected recipes and daily journals attached. Enjoy!
I kicked off this morning by making a smoothie. One of the things I have noticed about doing detoxes is the amount of time I’d have to spend prepping food. For instance, today I was scheduled to have cold soba noodles for lunch, so I had to wake up much earlier to prepare them. It’s so hazardous to be chopping raw vegetables so early in the morning. I felt great throughout the day, and for dinner I made salmon burgers and sweet potato ‘fries’, which were awesome! It was almost like I was eating a juicy hamburger with crunchy fries, except somebody forgot the burger buns…
Another morning of smoothie. By 11 am I was starving, so I started making some kefta chicken kebabs, recipe courtesy of Gwyneth. They were so lean and tasty! I would make this recipe again on non-detox days. I did some yoga and managed a headstand for quite a while – not sure if this was due to the lightness of meals I have been having or just pure psychology. Dinner was a crowd affair. Some friends and I made a Vietnamese buffet together, with fresh raw veg, baked fish stuffed with herbs, lean garlicky chicken, and an amazing lime infused dipping sauce. The last time I had a detox I had a lot of cravings, but this time around it seems breezy. Not complaining.
Finally, solid food for breakfast. Oatmeal is nothing new, but oatmeal with almond milk will never be as good as oatmeal with full cream fresh cow milk. I miss my dairy. I miss cheese. Today I had a bit of a withdrawal. For some reason I can’t stop thinking about my fudgy, chocolate-y, cold brownies. I will make them next week. And eat all of them while watching TV. Ok calm down. The point of detoxing is to not relapse. To clear my head I went for a run around the neighbourhood and lasted only 20 minutes before starting to feel extremely exhausted. Goddamn quinoa salad lunch. For dinner I made tom-yum soup with lots of herbs and fish, to eat with brown rice. I loveeee rice. Is and always will be a Malaysian girl at heart.
Final day! Not sure why, but the last day is always the most unbearable one.
I feel kind of radiant. Kind of. But at lunch I saw someone eat white rice with curry and all the fixings, and as I stared at my own salad with carrot ginger dressing, I began to hate the world.
To make up for the curry incident, I made Deliciously Ella’s quinoa and chickpea curry. It was amazing and so easy to prepare, but the truth was I was already daydreaming for the next day when I could finally again eat a cookie. The large toasted one. With a glass of cold milk. Mmmm.
As usual, Gwyneth's detox plans are fail-proof. I lost what I wanted to lose, and in general felt much better and brighter physically. Detoxes, I’ve realised, is made much easier when you’re allowed solid food. I didn’t have a lot of cravings, but it’s possibly because I don’t drink coffee or alcohol anyway, I don’t take red meat too much on regular days and I don’t enjoy processed food in real life. My biggest challenge was the white carbs withdrawal, because this girl love her potatoes, rice and pasta (I almost strangled the girl who ate rice and curry on day 4). I had also come to a conclusion that dairy elimination does the skin good. Like really good. Everything cleared up and I’m pretty sure I’ll be taking less dairy from now onwards.
Thanks Gwyneth! Haha.